Mama SRL

In many post-communist societies, genuine support among women is still a rare phenomenon. One of the deep-rooted reasons lies in the outdated educational and cultural patterns left behind by communism, where men were positioned as saviors and rulers, while women were taught to obey—quiet, grateful, and submissive.

Under that system, the ideal woman wasn’t encouraged to lead, compete, or dream too freely. Instead, she was expected to be grateful for being “protected”—from war, violence, theft, or even her own ambition. This indoctrination ran deep and carried forward into the way women interact with each other to this day.

The Legacy of Trauma and the Absence of Sisterhood

I was raised to be a strong, independent woman—driven not only by the trauma I experienced in the shadows of communism but also by the ancestral resilience passed down from my mother. But that strength came at a price: isolation. At no point in my upbringing did I see women supporting other women, especially single women.

In fact, I often witnessed the opposite—judgment, comparison, and fear.

There is a strange social discomfort with being a single woman in a room full of people. I’ve always challenged that discomfort, letting my instincts draw people toward me, seeing potential allies, not threats. But far too often, I’ve been met with other women’s judgment instead of solidarity.

The Stigma of Female Freedom

Watching The Gilded Age offered a moment of clarity: women who divorced or chose independence were treated like outcasts—pariahs. Why? Because they were free. Free to speak, to desire, to exist outside the confines of male control. And that made them dangerous.

The cultural suspicion of a woman with autonomy still lingers today.

A Personal Trigger: Judgment in Everyday Life

This entire reflection was triggered by a mundane moment: an older woman on my floor harshly judged me for not cleaning up immediately after my home renovation. She implied I had neglected my duties—even though I had managed to work all day and take care of my child at night.

My husband, on the other hand, walked into the same group of people, apologized politely, and walked away free of scrutiny.

He wasn’t judged. Why? Because in our collective subconscious, men are perceived as strong, and women as responsible—sometimes oppressively so.

The Illusion of Civilization and the Invisible Cost of Poverty

The truth is, our post-communist society remains too poor for proper infrastructure and services. When renovations happen, it’s expected that individuals manage everything themselves—planning, lifting, discarding, cleaning. There’s no team, no project manager, no full-service option.

And here’s the irony: true civilization offers choices, not burdens. It means you can afford to delegate. You can focus on what matters. Instead, what we experience is a hidden form of poverty—a poverty of time, support, and empathy.

Time, Labor, and Double Standards

I hear men talk proudly about “investing time to make money” while casually showing how they cook at home. But many women—especially working mothers—simply don’t have that luxury of time.

The workers who renovated my home? They were men far from their families, checking in by phone, missing out on everyday life. Meanwhile, I was juggling two full-time roles: parent and professional, without pause.

This isn’t how society should function. There was a time when workers brought their families and stayed in guest houses—not a form of slavery, but a community-based model that kept families united. Today, the emotional labor is invisible, and it’s mostly carried by women.

Why Women Judge Other Women

Many women who judge others are often navigating their own pain, loneliness, or internalized expectations. Instead of healing, they lash out. But judgment doesn’t build resilience—support does.

Society won’t offer kindness unless we model it ourselves. If we want women to support women, we must start early, by re-educating girls:

• Teach that mistakes are lessons, not labels.

• Encourage collaboration, not competition.

• Promote leadership, not people-pleasing.

These are lessons boys often receive, while girls are taught to be agreeable, not assertive. That’s where the gap begins.

The Takeaway: Redefining Female Empowerment

To close the gender gap, we don’t just need policy—we need a cultural shift. One where:

• Girls are trained to face challenges, not fear them.

• Women are encouraged to guide each other, not punish.

• We learn to endorse, not envy.

Empowerment begins when we recognize that another woman’s strength doesn’t threaten ours—it reinforces it.

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