Acest sentiment de dor…

Ca mame incepem sa simtim acest ciudat sentiment de dor care nu ne lasa in pace. Ajungem in punctul unde abia putem sa ne retinem lacrimile ca nu ne putem vedea copiii. Ne dorim sa ii putem tine mereu in brate. Si saracii copii chiar cresc mari. Ajungem sa realizam ca intreaga noastra existenta evolueaza in jurul lor. Am un fiu si de cand s-a nascut nu pot sa ma abtin sa tin la el atat de mult si sa incerc sa il fac sa devina un barbatel puternic. Stiu cand reuseste sa ma manipuleze si o face atat de bine. Uneori ma enervez, dar realizez repede ca ma face sa fac tot ce isi doreste numai pentru ca eu nu ma pot abtine sa il refuz. Si acest gen de dragoste nu se poate compara cu nimic din ce simti pentru partener sau sot.

Ma intreb oare cum e cand ai doi copii? Imparti sentimentul? Poti oare sa fii la fel cu amandoi? Si cum reusesti sa faci fata cu conversatiile fiecaruia? Ce intrebari ciudate! Iar eu credeam ca iubesc multi-tasking-ul.

Uneori este absolut extenuant sa il asculti cu toate baiguielile lui sau cu toata atentia de care are nevoie, sa fii cu ochii pe el si pe toata atentia de care are nevoie pentru a invata si absorbi informatie de la noi. Ma simt de parca era mult mai simplu cand era in burtica mea. Trebuia doar sa am grija sa imi iau pastilele. Mergea cu mine peste tot si aveam o intelegere ciudata: eu nu ma asez si el nu este deranjat de miscarea din interior. Oricand ma duceam la somn nu aprecia sa fie inghesuit, deci nu puteam sa imi imbratisez partenerul. Acum este in continuare mofturos daca incerci sa il invelesti sau sa il iei in brate si pare ca, indiferent cat de mare e patul, trebuie sa fie cu capul la o margine in care se inghesuie. Cumva asta ii aminteste de inghesuiala din burtica. Cred ca mie imi e cel mai dor de perioada aia. Nu imi dau seama daca lui ii e dor de lunile trecute, dar situ ca el creste atat de repede. Si face tot felul de lucruri care ma uimesc. Nimic genial, dar lucruri. Acel gen de lucruri din care iti dai seama de slabiliciunile si defectele tale si inveti sa lasi stacheta mai jos in evaluarea vietii tale. Acel gen de atitudine care poate face orice, poate ridica totul, ma poate ajuta si poate stapani lumea doar pentru ca nu i-au fost definite limite in lumea lui. Si fiecare secunda din viata mea cand nu il vad imi e dor de el. Acest sentiment ciudat de dor!

Missing My Kid

As mothers we begin to experience this terrible missing feeling which never lets us be. We get to the point where we can barely hold back tears of not seeing our kids. We want to hold him forever in your arms. Yet the poor kids also grow up. We come to realize our whole existence evolves around him or her. I have a son and since he was born I cannot help but care so much about him and try to make him into a strong little man. I know when he plays me and he does it so well. I get mad at times, but realize soon he is making me do whatever he wants only because I cannot help say no to him. And this is something no matter how much you loved your partner/husband you cannot feel for anyone else.

I wonder what it’s like when you have two kids. Do you share the feeling? Can you really keep track of both of them? Also, how do you deal with each of their conversations? Such strange questions! And I thought I love multi-tasking.

Sometimes it is absolutely exhausting to listen to all he has to say or do, to pay attention to so much he needs to learn and suck up from us. I feel like it was so much easier when he was in my belly. I only had some pills to take. He would come everywhere with me and we had this strange deal: I don’t sit and he doesn’t mind moving around. Whenever I went to bed he didn’t like being crowded, so I couldn’t hug my partner. Now he is really fussy about not being crowded and seems like no matter how big the bed, he needs to feel his head against the edge of it. Somehow it connects him to the crowded belly. I miss that time myself. I don’t really know if he misses it, but he grows so big in so little time. And he does stuff that amazes me. No genius, but stuff. That stuff that makes you see your flaws, your faults and settle for less in life. That kind of attitude that he can make everything, he can lift anything, he can help me and he can take over the world just because no boundaries were invented in his world. And every second of my life when I don’t watch him, I miss him. Strange missing feeling!

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