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Mama SRL

avortul

Avortul

Cred ca avortul nu se potriveste cu statutul de mama. Oricum ar fi, traim in societatea secolulului 21, unde astfel de evenimente se intampla la cerere sau in urma unor decizii medicale. Nu sunt mare fan al unei asemenea decizii. Am fost mereu constienta ca daca s-ar intampla “accidente” mi-as asuma responsabilitatea orice ar fi crezut celalalta jumatate. Suna un pic ingrijorator pentru orice barbat, totusi, toti cei care ma cunosc un pic, stiu ca sunt o maniaca a controlului. Asa ca nu mi-am asumat niciodata sanse realiste de a ramane insarcinata inainte de varsta la care chiar imi doream sa am un copil. Avortul este o decizie prin care ucizi cu buna stiinta o viitoare fiinta. Este cea mai grea decizie pe care o poate lua o femeie responsabila. Si am decis sa discut despre acest subiect in contextul in care in Polonia acest act a fost interzis. Nu mi se pare o decizie normala intr-o societate responsabila.

Controlul unei posibile sarcini este un alt subiect pe care orice mama ar trebui sa il ia in considerare, dar sa revenim la subiectul acestui articol, avortul. Trebuie sa recunosc ca din motive medicale mi s-a recomandat sa fac o asemenea procedura. Nu a fost o dicizie usoara intrucat a fost o prima sarcina, dar m-a invatat foarte multe. In primul rand am invatat sa discut despre ce a fost si sa nu ignor o decizie matura. Fie ca era o decizie buna sau rea, nu era ceva ce puteam face diferit. Am pus extrem de multa energie intr-o judecata personala si am sfarsit considerand ca nu a fost menit sa fie. Cred ca uneori cand ne gandim ca suntem mai presus decat orice in control asupra naturii aceasta ne demonstreaza contrariul. Cred ca am considerat ca daca la testarile genetice iese ceva gresit trebuie sa fiu puternica si sa imi asum un avort. Ei bine, viata mi-a dovedit ca nu sunt chiar asa de puternica si ca am nevoide mult sprijin in jurul meu pentru a depasi momentul. Am plans, m-am luptat, am cautat raspunsuri inainte si dupa procedura si in cele din urma am lasat lucrurile asa cum au fost. Ar fi trebuit sa fie o prima sarcina si sa fie o fetita. Dar testarea genetica a aratat ca sunt sanse mici sa duc aceasta sarcina la bun sfarsit. Nu voi judeca recomandarea medicala, dar pot sa va dau cateva sfaturi personale pe care le-am primit si eu ulterior deciziei si aceste sfaturi au fost pentru linistea noastra sufleteasca cum ca am fi facut ce trebuie sau ce nu trebuie din cateva invataturi stiintifice. Adevarul e ca nu stim cu adevarat ce se intampla acolo. A fost o decizie luata pe o recomandare medicale. Mai tarziu am aflat ce inseamna acel rezultat la testul genetic. Este un instinct primar sa dai vina pe tine si pe cel de langa tine, sa te temi ca orice intimitate poate duce la un alt esec, sa judeci ca tot ce faci tu in rutina zilnica este gresit si asa mai departe. Am trecut de la regandirea intregului meu regim, la aruncarea tuturor produselor toxice, la intoarcerea la o abordare mai naturala a curateniei si apoi mi-am limpezit gandurile si am reasezat balanta in viata mea. A fost o perioada dificila dupa avort si cred ca petnru orice cuplu care incearca sa faca un copil este devastator sa fie in pozitia de a lua o asemenea decizie.

Prima lectie invatata inainte de procedura in sine este sa pui intrebari in jur. Sunt mereu femei care au trecut prin asa ceva inainte si, daca nu ai fost niciodata in pozitia asta, vei primi cu siguranta ceva indrumari bune. Am fost destul de timida sa fac asta, dar m-am adunat un pic si am cerut cateva sfaturi. Nu sunt sigura cat de multe inveti in scoala pentru a intelege intreg procesul unei sarcini si consecintele ei. Nu sunt o persoana tocmai in masura sa judec schimbarile hormonale intrucat eu mi-am tinut capul sus orice s-ar fi intamplat. Dar fizic ai nevoie sa intelegi cateva urmari:

  • vei avea niste scurgeti pe masura ce uterul se curata
  • curatarea completa se produce o data ce se reia menstruatia
  • poti incerca sa ramai insarcinata din nou dupa aproximativ doua luni de la interventie – acest termen a functionat spre exemplu pentru o alta pacienta care a trecut o data cu mine prin aceeasi procedura, dar sigur ca cel mai bine este sa iti intrebi doctorul
  • cand faci o asemenea interventie, recomand din tot sufletul o clinica privata si indiferent de costuri, linistea ta e cea mai importanta (personal, eu am experimentat cateva esecuri ale sistemului de stat – RH gresit la analizele gratuite/compensate de stat, conditii jenante in spitalul de stat si cumva lipsa unei informari complete
  • in cazul in care este un avort facut ca o recomandare medicala, poti sta linistita ca vei fi adormita pe tot parcursul procedurii si nu vei vedea sau auzi nimic
  • trebuie sa eviti efortul fizic post operator si asta e un sfat pe care te sfatuiesc sa il urmezi cu maxima seriozitate ca sa nu suferi de alte complicatii

Toate aceste sfaturi sunt urmare a propriilor memorii. Si cel mai important sfat pe care pot sa ti-l dau este ca oricare ar fi motivul pentru care faci un avort, ia-ti ceva timp sa te consulti cu cineva apropiat. Este important daca e partenerul tau, o prietena, mama sau un psiholog, si te pot ajuta sa scapi de remuscari. Ai putea incerca chiar si un preot. Nu este nicio rusine daca faci asta. Personal am gasit cel mai bun ascultator in persoana partenerului. Da, a fost un moment dificil, dar am invatat sa mergem mai departe si prin furtuna si vreme rea. Nu este usor sa depasesti un astfel de moment, dar e important sa iti pastrezi concentrarea pe scopurile comune pe care le aveti pe drum. Am facut asta si a fost o reala oportunitate pentru noi doi sa devenim si mai apropiati. Am gasit fiecare moduri diferite pentru a fi cel mai bun parinte pentru copilul nostru de acum. Nu a fost menit sa fie fetitia, dar este minunat ca avem un baietel perfect. Este o recompensa imensa pentru durerea prin care a trebuit sa trecem.

 

 

ABORTION – ENGLISH VERSION

I guess motherhood would not be a term compatible with abortion. However we live in a 21st century society where such events happen upon demand or medical decisions. I am not a big fan of this decision. I was always aware that if accidents would happen I would take full responsibility no matter what the other half would think. It sounds a bit scary to any man, however, all those knowing me a bit, know how control freak I actually am. So I have never taken realistic chances in getting pregnant before the actual age I have wished for. Abortion is a decision by which you are knowingly taking a life. It’s the hardest decision any responsible woman can make. And I decided to talk about this as Poland decided to forbid the abortion, a ruling which I cannot find as a normal decision in a responsible society. 

Birth control would be another subject which any mama should take in consideration, but coming back to the actual abortion subject, I have to say that due to medical reasons I was recommended to do such a procedure. It wasn’t easy as it was a first pregnancy, but it has taught me a lot. First of all I have learned to talk about it and not ignore a mature decision. Whether it was bad or good it’s not something I can help. I have put enormous strength into judging myself and I have ended up believing it was meant to be. I guess sometimes when we think we are above all in control nature shows us it’s quite the opposite. I guess I was thinking in case something turns out in the genetic testing I will be strong enough to go through an abortion. Well, life has shown me I am not that strong and that I need a lot of help around me to get through this. I have cried, I have fought, I have looked for answers before and after and finally I decided to let it go. It was meant to have a first pregnancy which was a girl. But the genetic testing showed she had little chances of coming to a full term pregnancy. I will not judge the medical recommendation, but I can tell you a few personal advices which were given to me from several doctors and it was to our personal relief knowing that we might have done the right or the wrong thing because of some simple scientific facts. Truth is we don’t really know what happened there. It was just a decision based on a medical recommendation. Later on we have learned what was actually the case for such a genetic malfunction. It’s a first thought to blame yourself and the one next to you, to fear that any intimacy may lead to another failure, to judge all that you do with yourself on daily basis and so on. I have gone from rethinking my entire diet, to throwing out all the toxic products, to go back to basic use of cleaning products and then cleared my thoughts and put a balanced order into my life. It was a difficult time after the abortion and I believe for any couple who is trying to conceive it’s heartbreaking to have to end a pregnancy. 

First lesson learned before the procedure itself: ask around. There are always women who have gone through this before and if you have never been through this it will definitely be a good guidance. I have been kind of shy to do so, but I have pulled myself together and asked for advice. I am not sure how much you learn in school to understand the whole process of child baring and all the consequences to it. I am not really a good person to judge hormonal changes as I kind of kept my head up straight no matter what. But physically you need to understand some consequences: 

  • you will have some discharges as the uterus is cleaning up. 
  • the final cleaning will happen once your period is coming back to the usual routine
  • you can try again after two months approximately – this is something which has worked for another woman undergoing such procedure, but of course it’s best to ask your doctor
  • when you do this, I recommend with all my heart you take the expensive private care way
  • in case of medical recommendation for your psychic to get better through the process you will be fully put to sleep so you won’t feel anything, minor discomfort afterwards
  • physical effort should be avoided afterwards, please take this seriously as you are not looking for other complications

These are all my personal memories. And the most important advice I can give to you is no matter the reason for doing an abortion, take some time to talk to someone. It’s important if it’s your partner, your friend, your mother or a psychologist, to let go of the remorse. You could even try a priest. It’s not a shame in doing so. Personally I have found the best listener in my partner. Yes, it was a difficult time, but we have learned to go together through the hard times also. It’s not easy to overcome such a step, but it’s important to keep an eye on the common goal all the way. I have done so and it was a great opportunity for us to grow bigger together. We have both found different ways to make the best parents for our baby. It wasn’t meant to be a girl, but it’s so lovely to have a boy. It pays off all the hard and pain we had to go through.

 

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