Invataturile copilului
[edgtf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”#d6a67c” background_color=””]C[/edgtf_dropcaps]and am decis sa scriu despre invataturile copilului am fost in primul rand motivata de cat de multe mame discutau ce ar trebui sa faca odrasla lor pana la aceasta varsta. Majoritatea mamelor par sa se intreaca pe sine cu alinierea copilului lor la tot ce fac si ceilalti copii. Personal cred ca nu exista un termen limita pentru copii sa invete sa faca lucruri, dar pe cat este mai provocat un micut cu atat va gasi singur modalitati sa depaseasca situatia. Pentru a vorbi un pic in exemple despre ce am facut eu cu copilul meu, voi enumera aici cateva hopuri depasite si ce am descoperit eu in dezvoltarea lui. Cea mai importanta regula cred ca este sa il lasam pe el sa descopere lumea. Orice provocare a copilului este la inceput o drama, care mai tarziu devine o descoperire. Daca continuam sa il ajutam, el nu va depasi momentul plansului in fata unui obstacol. Altfel vei descoperi cat de plin de resurse este si cum stie sa gaseasca singur solutia depasirii acestuia.
De cum l-am vazut pe fiul meu ca isi ridica funduletul de la pamant am inceput sa il pun pe podea pe o paturica si el se tara de colo-colo. A fost cel mai bun lucru pentru el intrucat incepea sa descopere suprafete si texturi. La inceput am folosit o paturica pe podea, apoi l-am pus pe o patura de joaca, apoi direct pe podea. Curand a gasit niste sertare foarte joase si se tara direct la ele. Pas cu pas a invatat sa se ridice sprijinindu-se de ele si chiar se uita in interior. Asta era practic descoperirea lui. Era un lucru usor de facut si lasandu-l sa exerseze in fiecare zi l-a ajutat sa isi intareasca musculatura. Apoi a descoperit masuta de cafea si comoda tv si se ridica in picioare tinandu-se de ele. Erau fix ce trebuie pentru ca el sa se ridice. Bineinteles ca a trebuit sa le acoperim cu banda protectoare, la fel si colturile, ca sa nu se loveasca de suprafete dure. Daca ar fi facut asta, totul devenea o drama si nu doream asta. Asta m-a invatat prima si cea mai importanta lectie despre cum sa il inveti pe copil lucruri: da-i orice ii pune mintea in functiune sau ii da posibilitatea sa invete ceva nou si el se apuca singur de treaba si continua sa invete in fiecare zi.
Orice copil va absorbi fiecare strop de informatie de la tine si de la alte modele pe care le are in jur. Copiii se opresc la orice activitate li se pare ca e interesanta in calea lor si o analizeaza. Se intalnesc cu diverse profesii, diverse sarcini, diferiti oameni sau chiar diferite trucuri si invata ceva. Le vor aplica ulterior cand vor avea ocazia. Invata chiar din primele zile, cand te privesc cu mare atentie. Par sa doreasca sa te hipnotizeze, dar de fapt ei absorb totul din comportamentul tau. Am realizat ca trebuie sa fiu foarte atenta la tot ce fac intrucat el ma copiaza imediat. Intr-o zi l-a vazut pe bunicul cum a curatat roata de la carucior cu un betisor, intrucat aceasta se murdarise. A incercat sa faca la fel cand am iesit impreuna in parc si era noroi. Incearca sa repete si exercitiile fizice pe care ma vede pe mine facand. A doua cea mai importanta lectie a fost: ai grija ce ii arati prin comportamentul tau intrucat va copia asta si o va imbunatati. Ar putea fi ceva bun sau ceva gresit, dar copiii imita perfect ce vad.
Fiului meu a invatat si sa ii para rau daca a facut ceva gresit. A observat ca toata lumea se agita sa stearga pe jos dupa fiecare masa a lui resturile de mancare si sa puna jucariile la loc. Asa ca, dupa ce a renuntat la practica aruncatului obiectelor care trebuie ridicate, oricand scapa ceva pe jos, incepe sa planga si uneori ma ia in brate. Nu i-a spus nimeni niciodata ca e gresit sa scapi sau sa versi lucruri, dar cred ca a realizat ca nu e bine sa faci asa cu mancarea asa ca se alarmeaza cand o face. Nu e tocmai o drama, dar cumva trebuie indreptata situatia rapid. Asta e cea mai impresionanta parere de rau pe care am vazut-o. L-am vazut si venind rapid in bucatarie sa vada daca totul e in regula cand a auzit un zgomot puternic acolo. A vrut sa se asigure ca totul e in regula. M-am simtit atat de iubita de micut incat aproape ca am inceput sa plang. A treia lectie invatata este ca in afara de copiererea comportamentelor, ei dezvolta si simtire. Sunt sigura ca nu stiu sa spuna exact ce simt, dar invata sa isi exprime sentimente intr-un mod foarte dramatic. Gandeste-te la momentul cand pleci la munca si copilul incepe sa planga. Nu e tocmai o drama reala, dar pentru el orice ruptura a rutinei este o drama.
In timpul autoizolarii, parintii mei vorbeau cu el pe Whatsapp in fiecare zi. Intr-o zi tata a inceput sa cante la o mica muzicuta pentru a-l distra pe cel mic. La finalul autoizolarii copilul si-a amintit de instrumentul muzical primit fizic acum si s-a bucurat sa cante el insusi la el. Am descoperit de pe la inceputuri afinitatea copilului pentru zgomotele facute de electrocasnicele de bucatarie, iar ulterior a inceput sa si danseze pe „muzica” lor. Ne-am gandit ca este „zgomot alb” si ca este bun pentru el. Dar mai tarziu a descoperit cum sa isi porneasca muzica in boxa si a inceput sa danseze. Acum iubeste muzica si danseaza pe ce muzica sau pe ce sunete ii plac. Urmatoarea lectie importanta este ca cei mici sunt deschisi la orice tip de arta: muzica, dans, pictura etc. Asa ca lasati-i sa fie naturali oricat de mult s-ar prosti. Asta ii ajuta sa capete incredere in sine.
Cand vine vorba de mancat si baut fiul meu este cel mai bun exemplu ca cei mici sunt de fapt niste adulti in miniatura. A refuzat orice tip de lingura, furculita sau farfurie pentru copii. La fel se intampla si cu canutele. A bea din cana normala, cana mare de adult este rutina lui si adora sa faca lucrurile fix ca noi. Majoritatea linguritelor, furculitelor, farfuriilor sau canutelor sunt acum la adapost intr-o cutie. Nu s-a bucurat niciodata de ele. Este un tanar foarte hotarat care adora sa faca lucruri ca un adult. Intr-o zi m-a vazut band ceai dintr-o ceasca de portelan si a vrut sa faca la fel. Totusi a realizat fragilitatea cescutei asa ca a avut mare grija cand a baut si apoi a pus-o cu atentie pe masuta. A pus-o cu atat de mare grija pe masuta dupa ce a terminat de baut, incat si-a aplaudat singur reusita. Si cum vrea sa faca tot ce facem noi, bineinteles ca nu putem sa ii dam cafea, asa ca am decis sa impartim ceaiul meu cu el. Acum asta e ritualul lui matinal. Orice numar ar fi aceasta lectie, este cel mai bine sa iti tratezi copilul ca pe un mic adult.
Cand vine vorba de catarat si echilibru, exerseaza in pat, pe canapea, pe comoda tv sau pe masa. Cred ca urmatorul pas ar fi sa faca niste trucuri cu bicicleta. Zilelele astea este interesat de bicicleta si trotinta. Adora sa urce scarile si dealurile si apoi sa isi dea drumul in jos cu bicicleta lui. Simt pericolul si invata cum sa puna frana, cand sa se dea jos de pe ea sau cand sa ceara ajutorul. Clar va iubi skatepark-ul. Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc, cred ca admiram dintotdeauna acesti copii. De ce sa ma astept la mai putin de la fiul meu? Deci pentru aceasta lectie, sugerez sa il sustineti sa fie atent si sa analizeze riscurile, dar sa incerce escaladarea acelor scari. Nimic nu e interzis cand vine vorba de aventura. Trebuie sa fie viteaz sa urce acolo in „varful muntelui”. Eu simt ca o mama trebuie sa isi incurajeze copilul sa faca asta.
Toate aceste lucruri pot parea o provocare prea mare pentru un copil. Totusi dramele lor devin din ce in ce mai mari cu cat avem mai mare grija de ei sau cu cat incercam sa amanam confruntarea cu anumite provocari naturale. Daca ii lasam sa faca lucruri, ei invata si se abtin sa mai planga aiurea. Poate plansul este modul lor de a se asigura ca cineva este mereu in spatele lor. Dar pentru dezvoltarea lor ulterioara este mai bine sa ii lasam sa se descurce cu ce provocari intalnesc. Cu increderea si suportul pe care le simt din partea noastra vor vedea singuri ce obstacole pot depasi si cand este cel mai bun moment. Acel cand este decizia lor, copiii fiind extrem de motivati si ambitiosi. Este inutil sa ii incarcam cu fricile noastre. Cel mai bine este sa ii sustinem si sa le aratam cum sa cucereasca lumea.
Learning Baby
[edgtf_dropcaps type=”normal” color=”#d6a67c” background_color=””]W[/edgtf_dropcaps]hen I decided to start writing about a baby’s learnings I was motivated mainly by how much moms were discussing what should their baby be doing by this time. Most moms seem to challenge themselves as their offsprings need to be in line with others. Personally I believe there is no deadline for babies to learn things, but as much as he is challenged on his own he will for sure learn to deal with it. So, to speak a bit in examples about what I have done with my baby I will put here just a few milestones of what I have noticed important in his development. Most important rule I think is to let him discover the world. Any challenge for the babies is at first a drama, but later becomes a discovery. If we keep helping them they will not deal with the trouble. Otherwise they will be very resourceful and overcome the obstacle.
First time I noticed my son would start raising his small butt from the ground I would lay him on the floor on a blanket and he would crawl over there. It was the best thing for him as he would start discovering surfaces and textures. At first I used a blanket on the floor, then I have put down a play blanket, then nothing at all. He soon found some very low drawers and he would crawl into them. Step by step he learned how to pull himself up by the drawers and look inside. This is basically his discovery. It was an easy thing to do and letting him practice every day would help him strengthen his muscles. Then he discovered the coffee table and tv stand and he would pull himself up straight holding on to those elements. They were the right height for him to stand up. Of course we had to cover them with protective band and corners so he wouldn’t hit his head so much against tough surfaces. That would turn into a drama, a whole drama and we didn’t want that. This taught me the first most important lesson about teaching him things: give him anything to make his mind work or to learn something new and he will get right on to it. And he keeps on learning every day.
Any baby will absorb every bit of information from you or from other models around him. Babies stop for anything that’s interesting on their path and they analyse. They meet different jobs, different tasks, different people or even different tricks and they learn something. They will apply it later on when they have the chance. They learn even from early days, when they watch you with great attention. They seem to hypnotise you, but they actually suck all the information from your behaviour. I must pay attention to what I do as he follows quickly. One day he saw his grandfather clean the stroller’s wheels with a small stick as it got dirty. He tried to do the same when we went out together in the park. He is also trying to repeat the physical exercises he sees me doing. Second most important lesson was: be careful what you show him with your behaviour as he will copy that and take it to a higher level. It may be some faulty or some good behaviour, but babies imitate perfectly what they see.
My son even learned to be sorry when he has done something wrong. He noticed on his own that everyone around him is wiping the floor after every meal of his. So, after giving up the drop and return practice, whenever he spills something on the floor, he would start crying and and sometimes hugging me. No one has ever told him it is wrong to drop or spill things, but he must have realized that it is not the right way to deal with food. It’s not really a drama, but somehow things must quickly get back to normal. That is the most impressive sorry I have ever seen. I have also seen him come to the kitchen to see if everything is alright when he heard a loud noise coming from there. He wanted to see if I was alright. I felt so emotional that I was so cared for by this little man that I almost cried. Third lesson learned is that besides monkey behaviour, they also get to feel things. I am sure they cannot say exactly what they feel, but they learn to express feelings in a very dramatic way. Think about the time you leave for work and the baby starts crying. It’s not really a drama, but for them any disrupter is a drama.
During the pandemics lockdown, my parents were talking to him on Whatsapp everyday. One day my dad started playing a small harmonica to his amusement. When the lockdown was over the baby still remembered the musical instrument and enjoyed playing it himself as soon as he laid his hands on that. In the early days we discovered our baby is enjoying the sound of kitchen appliances and later on he even started dancing to their „music”. We thought it’s white noise and it’s ok for him. But later on he discovered how he to start the homepod and again he started dancing. Now he loves music and he dances to whatever music or sounds he likes. Next important lesson is that babies are open to any sort of art: music, dance, paint, etc. Just let them be themselves no matter how foolish it may look. This is what helps them get confident.
When it comes to eating and drinking my son is the best example that babies are small grown ups. He refused every type of spoon, fork or plate for kids. Same goes for sippy cups. Drinking from the mug, the regular grown up mug is his routine and he loves to do things just like us. Most of the spoons, forks, plates and sippy cups are now stored in a box. He never enjoyed those. He is a very determined young man who loves doing grown up stuff. One day he saw me drinking tea from a china cup of tea and he would love to do the same. Still he would know the fragility of the cup, so he took great care of it when drinking and when putting it on a table or on the floor tiles. He was so carefully putting it down on the table after he has finished drinking from it, that after succeeding he applauded himself. And as he wants to see what we do, of course we cannot give him coffee, so we decided I will share my tea with him. Now he simply loves the ritual. Whatever number the lesson is, it’s best you treat your kid as a small grownup.
When it comes to climbing and balance, he practices his balance in bed, on the couch or on the table and tv stand. I guess the next step would clearly be to do bike tricks. Nowadays he is in the bike and scooter interest. He loves climbing stairs and heels and then rolling down with his bike. He feels the danger and learns how to brake, when to get off the bike or when to ask for help. He will definitely love the skatepark. If I come to think of it, I guess I was always admiring such kids. Why should I expect less from my boy? So for this lesson I suggest you support him in being cautious and analysing the risks, but taking chances in climbing those stairs. Nothing is forbidden when it comes to adventure. He has to be brave enough to get up there on the mountain top. I feel a mother should encourage her kid to escalate to the top.
All these things may seem pretty tough challenges for a kid. Their dramas sometimes become bigger and bigger the more we pamper them or try to delay any of their challenges. If we let them do things, they learn and also they stop themselves from crying useless dramas. Maybe crying is their way of making sure someone is watching their back. But for their future development of your child it is better to let him handle whatever challenges he has. With our trust and support our kids will see what challenges they can overcome and when. Mostly when it is their decision, kids are highly motivated and ambitious. It’s useless to burden them with our fears. It’s best to support them and show them how to conquer the world.
