Mama SRL

Viata este despre momente din viata pe care le cream si o data cu trairile descoperim sau redescoperim cine suntem, ce vrem, ce facem, ce putem. Toate sentimentele sunt alergate de copil in dorinta sa de a descoperi viata. Eu sunt un simplu spectator si il insotesc la spectacolul vietii.

Cea mai importanta lectie pe care am invatat-o in aceasta perioada de pandemie a fost ca trebuie sa fii in locul potrivit la momentul potrivit. Cred ca atunci cand ai o vacanta nelimitata iti iei timp pentru multe lucruri. Asta este exact ce am facut si am invatat sa ma bucur de momentele mele. Am invatat sa cream momente pe care sa ni le amintim ulterior. Am invatat impreuna cu sotul si fiul meu. Am stiut ca cel mai bun moment pentru mine este sa nu fiu sub presiunea timpului la care trebuie sa ajung undeva. De obicei sunt o persoana foarte responsabila asa ca devin si mai stresata cand cineva imi adauga presiune. Asa ca functionez cel mai bine cand imi fac treburile in ritmul meu. In perioada starii de urgenta am facut pasi mici sa ma duc mai departe si sa cunosc cartierul. Asta m-a ajutat sa gasesc locuri si lucruri care ma faceau sa vad, sa judec, sa simt, sa invat si sa imi tin copilul de mana pentru a-i transmite incredere sa mearga mai departe. Ritualul era sa mergem si apoi sa ne oprim sa ne uitam in jur cand gaseam ceva interesant de vazut. Privitul pentru cel mic chiar si in mod repetat, sa vada de cateva ori acelasi lucru pentru a intelege mai bine geografia, riscurile, locurile inconjuratoare. Si apoi trebuia sa negociem sa mergem mai departe. In timp ce mergeam mai departe, trebuia sa ne uitam si sa ne luam repere pentru a nu ne pierde. Doar trebuia sa ne si intoarcem. Am avut o singura zi in care aproape ca ne-am pierdut. Toate celelalte dati eram amandoi atenti la drumul de acasa si inapoi acasa. De fapt fiul meu ma conduce si zilele astea pe acele carari pe care mergeam pe atunci. Intrucat acum avem tinta sigura parcul in plimbarile noastre, inca isi aminteste de acele drumuri, plimbari lungi, copaci verzi si iarba. Ah, uneori dadeam si peste cate un miros ademenitor de mancare. Si aleile ascunse erau preferatele lui intrucat putea sa se plimbe nestingherit si eu ma bucuram de libertatea mea facand poze. 

Deci urmatoarea lectie a fost sa nu ma mai incarc aiurea cu treburi lipsite de importanta. Ce numesc eu lipsit de importanta? Multitudinea de elemente care ne streseaza si mai tare. Bineinteles ca zilele astea suntme mai stresati de raspandirea pandemiei si totusi devenim cu totii mai inghesuiti pe masura ce suntem din ce in ce mai multi in orase. Daca ne dam ragaz in fiecare loc sau chiar sa repetam vizita intr-un loc tot avem nevoie de timp sa il descoperim intru totul. 

A treia lectie invatat este ca daca urmarim pasii copiilor nostri ne ajuta si pe noi sa ne redescoperim. Am folosit atat de mult din timpul meu sa inteleg cum intreaga viata este mai importanta de cand s-a nascut acest micut care ma plimba peste tot. Mi-am redescoperit copilul din mine si nu imi e rusine sa pun in aplicare tot ce imi trece prin minte. Cine ma cunoaste? Cui ii pasa de mine? Cine vorbeste despre ce fac eu? Este doar fiul meu care conteaza. Si el nu ma va judeca drept “uite-o pe nebuna aia!”. El va intelege lumea printr-un joc, printr-o prostioara, printr-un pic de joaca. De ce sa imi pese mie ce zice lumea cand acest tip ma aduce inapoi la ce sunt de fapt: adultul copilaros. Cea mai important calatorie in care m-a dus a fost asta. Nu mai plec ceva timp de aici.  

Cum au trecut deja aceste 5 luni, 2 fara nimeni altcineva decat noi, parintii lui, aproape 3 cu ajutorul bunicilor, inteleg cat de mult a evoluat fiul meu si cate a invatat despre mediu, despre natura, despre o imbratisare data unui copac, urmarirea melcilor, hranirea animalelor sau chiar rezolvarea unor puzzle-uri simple. Ador sa respir toata aceasta dezvoltare a sa. Poate sunt o mama mandra, dar incerc sa primesc aprecieri si de la alti parinti si sa inteleg daca fac ceva bine sau rau. 

Zilele trecute i-am spus fiului meu sa imbratiseze un copac si el a facut fix asta. Nici nu stiam ca stie sa o faca. Si el m-a surprins. M-a surprins si mai mult cand m-a impins intr-o zi sa trec dupa niste tufisuri ca el sa se ascunda pe partea cealalta. A fost o reala surpriza si m-am simtit extrem de mandra. In alta zi a inteles ca e extrem de dificil pentru mine sa il duc pe el in carca si cu tot bagajul asa ca a incercat sa ma ajute punandu-si singur apa in cosul caruciorului. Alta data incerca sa isi puna singur cana cu apa in rucsac. Asa ca ma simt o mama mandra cand il vad ca face aceste lucruri pe care le-a dedus din comportamentul nostru. A invatat ce inseamna o furtuna, a invatat sa mearga prin ploaie usoara, a invatat sa isi conduca noua lui bicicleta peste obstacole si sa se opreasca cand e prea abrupt.

El este si un uragan de simtiri. Invata sa fie viteaz, sa fie atent, sa traiasca cu bucurie, sa simta frica si sa se cuibareasca in poala mea. Toate acestea sunt o reala bucurie pentru mine ca mama. Acestea sunt momente care ne fac viata plina. Daca ne ingaduim sa traim viata, apucam sa vedem fiecare moment intr-o definitie mai complexa cu perspective diferite fata de oameni, animale sau natura. Job-ul meu imi permite sa imi iau zile de lucru in afara biroului si atunci apuc sa ma bucur de statutul de mama. Si in acele momente nu simt nicio povara, ci doar bucurie.

Life is about moments we live and with them we discover or rediscover who we are, what we are, what we want, what we do, what we can. All feelings are chased by the child in his quest to learn about life. I am simply a spectator and joining him as he is watching out the show of life.

The most important lesson I have learned during pandemics is about being there at the right time. I guess when you have an undetermined vacation you take time. This is exactly what I have done and I have learned to enjoy my moments. I knew the best time for me is not being under pressure to get somewhere. I am usually very responsible so I get even more stress if someone lays added pressure. So I function best when I do my things at my own pace. During the lockdown I have taken small steps to go further and get to know the neighborhood. This has helped me to find places and things that made me see, judge, feel, learn and also hold my son’s hand to make him feel confident about taking it further. The ritual was walking and then stopping to look around when we found something interesting for the eye. Looking around for a little guy means repeatedly making a few passes to understand further the geography, the risks, the places around. And then we had to negotiate to move on. While moving on, we would need to watch out and notice and keep track of our road. We had also to get back. We only got slightly lost once. All the other times we were both paying attention to the road from home and back home. As a matter of fact my son guides me even now to those roads we were walking back then. As now our main target is the park, he still remembers those paths, long walks, green trees and grass. Oh, sometimes we even used to run into enchanting food smell. Also, the back alleys were his favourite as he would wander around freely and I would enjoy my freedom taking photos. 

So, the next lesson is to stop being preoccupied with useless stuff. What I call useless? Is the multitude of elements that stress us even more. Of course these days we are all more stressed as the pandemics is spreading out and we are all more in the cities and getting more crowded. If we take our time in each place or even visit it repeatedly we still have time to fully discover a place. 

Third lesson learned is that following our kids’ footsteps only helps us rediscover ourselves. I have used so much of my time to understand now that the whole life is more important once this stubborn little guy takes me places. I have rediscovered my childish self and I am not ashamed to put every thought in action. Who knows me? Who cares about me? Who speaks about my doing? It’s only my son. And he will not say “look at that crazy woman!”. He will understand the world through a game, a foolish doing, a bit of play. Why should I care what the world thinks when this guy takes me back to my true self: the childish adult. Most important journey he has guided me into was this. I am not leaving this for some time. 

As these 5 months already have passed, 2 without anyone but us, his parents, almost 3 with the help of grandparents, I understand how much my son has evolved and learned about the environment, the nature, hugging trees, seeing snails, feeding animals and even making puzzles. I love to breathe all this development of his. Maybe I am the proud mother, but I also try to get feedback from other parents and understand what I am doing right or wrong. 

The other day I told my son to hug a tree and he did that. I didn’t know he knows how to do it. And he surprised me. He even surprised me more to place me behind the bushes so he would hide on the other side. It was a real surprise and I felt so proud. Another day he understood it was really difficult for me to carry him on my shoulders and all his luggage so he was trying to help me by placing his water in the stroller. Another time he would try to put back his water can in my backpack. So I am feeling like a proud mom when I see him do all these things which he really only made them out of our behaviour. He learned what a storm is, he learned to live in the poor rain, he learned to drive his new bike over obstacles and stop where it’s too down slope.

He is also a storm of feelings himself. He is learning to be brave, to be careful, to live with joy, to feel fear and snuggle on my lap. All these are a true bliss for me as a mother. These are moments which make out life as a whole. If we take time to live life, we get to see each moment in a more complex definition with different other perspectives to people, animals or nature. My job allows me to take days off from office and I get to enjoy the full feeling of being a mother. It is then when I don’t feel any burden, but only joy.