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workaholic

Workaholic

Articolul asta este o interpretare personala a relatiei mele cu munca si familia. Stiu de la bun inceput ca voi fi judecata, dar imi asum aceasta abordare si voi descrie si beneficiile alegerii mele. Sunt workaholic. Mi-am gasit calea de a consuma energia in exces prin munca. Munca poate fi ceva ce faci pentru altcineva si pentru care esti remunerat, poate fi un proiect personal din care te intretii sau pur si simplu o activitate voluntara. Sunt optiuni si le-am imbratisat pe toate cu drag. Cata vreme fac cu pasiune si interes cred ca nu e tocmai munca, ci placere. Nu am fost mereu sigura pe unde se regaseste propriul Eu in toata aventura asta, dar am invatat treptat. A trebuit sa iau o pauza ca sa inteleg ca si eu sunt importanta, ca ce fac poate fi facut si de alte persoane si apoi la reluarea activitatii sa imi definesc propria individualitate. Am luat o singura pauza de la munca dupa foarte multi ani in care nu am tinut cont de weekend, de vacante si de ore de somn. In acea pauza mi-am propus sa fac ceva pentru mine si am descoperit cartierul in care locuiam, mi-am raspuns la niste intrebari personale, am predat limba romana unui strain si am invatat sa imi definesc si urmaresc propriul interes. Si asa am descoperit cine sunt, ca imi place sa fac ce fac si ca am ales bine si potrivit cu ce visam sa fac.

Si pentru ca fac fix ce imi place sa fac, am ales sa muncesc pana sa nasc. Nu mi-am dorit niciodata altceva. Am incetat sa ma mai duc la birou cu o luna inainte sa nasc. De fapt mai putin de o luna inainte sa nasc. A fost o decizie personala si nu trebuie neaparat sa faca toata lumea ca mine. Ce pot spune insa e ca asta m-a ajutat maxim sa nu ma sperii, sa nu imi pierd increderea in alegerile mele si sa scap de nerabdarea cunoasterii micutului. De altfel in acele ultime saptamani am organizat casa ca sa imi ocup timpul si sa nu resimt lipsa socializarii cu colegii, sa nu ajung sa vorbesc singura prin casa. Pana sa nasc am si uitat unde am pus lucrurile organizate. Dar important a fost ca mi-am facut de lucru si ca nu am vorbit singura. 

workaholic

Apoi dupa cateva luni de cand s-a nascut cel mic am anuntat ca ma intorc activ la munca. Nu m-am oprit in totalitate din munca nici dupa ce s-a nascut cel mic. Am apucat sa lucrez de acasa 6 luni. Si asta m-a ajutat sa il vad cum face tot felul de mutrite si cum incearca tot felul de lucruri. Intoarcerea fizic la munca a insemnat direct proiecte cu multe ore, cu deplasari prin tara sau strainatate si, cu ajutorul parintilor mei, am reusit sa le fac fata. Apoi mi-am dat seama ca cel mic are nevoie de mine si am decis ca oricat de greu ar fi pentru mine, trebuie sa il am langa mine. Asa ca am decis sa facem cu schimbul cu sotul ca atunci cand cel mic se trezea inca pe timp de noapte cel care nu avea a doua zi proiecte sa se trezeasca si sa stea cu el. Copilul meu a imbratisat stilul meu workaholic. Incearca sa copieze din comportamentul meu asa ca incercam sa ne organizam munca sa fie ceva mai “organica”. Asta inseamna ca vorbitul la telefon sa fie pe un ton cat mai normal si natural si in conditii cat mai naturale. Cum vine asta? Ei bine, homepod-ul care de obicei canta muzica vorbeste cu noi sau ceasul ne raspunde la apeluri si putem face lucruri cu el alaturi de noi in continuare. E drept ca cel mai simplu e sa fie la plimbare caci atunci are atentia asupra altceva. Este important ca cel mic sa inteleaga ca avem si activitati pe care el nu trebuie sa le copieze inca. Si incercam sa definim aceste reguli impreuna cu el si cu puterea lui de intelegere. Cel mai important la reintoarcerea la munca este ca multitasking-ul este si mai provocator. Ce am realizat dupa aceasta intoarcere? In primul rand cat de valoroasa este mintea mea. Fiind workaholic nu m-a lasat sa pic in depresie dupa nastere. Aveam drumul clar organizat si nimic nu m-a oprit sa fac ce imi place. Fiul meu va urma ce cale va dori, dar daca pot sa il ajut sa ii deschid universul povestilor, clar o voi face. 

workaholic

Pandemia m-a facut sa ma intorc la statul cu copilul acasa si asta mi-a redat un pic de libertate de care imi era dor. Cumva “workaholic mom” a fost cam mult chiar si pentru mine. Iubesc multitasking-ul, dar fara sa imi dau seama devenisem dependenta de vorbit la telefon in masina in drum spre casa si de prezenta constanta pe internet. Starea de urgenta a impus lucrul de acasa si implicit lipsa drumurilor de 2 ore in trafic. Asa am inteles cat de mult te streseaza traficul si cat de important este sa locuiesti aproape de birou. Dar asta nu se poate momentan asa ca va trebui sa imbratisez munca de acasa cat mai mult. Am invatat si ca nu a sunat telefonul zile in sir si ca anxietatea poate fi foarte usor indepartata concentrandu-ma pe un proiect personal. Am invatat ca timp petrecut cu copilul si fara televizor imi poate da raspunsuri la multe intrebari, dar si pe el il poate face sa invete multe lucruri. 

workaholic selfie

Cand faci ceva cu pasiune si iti doresti sa faci asta in continuare, cu siguranta nu ajungi sa te opresti doi ani. Sunt si mama cu aceeasi pasiune cu care fac treaba de producator. Am continuat sa fiu workaholic si dupa ce s-a nascut fiul meu. Nu ma astept ca toti sa inteleaga cum reusesc sau ca e posibil, dar e posibil. Asta pentru ca de cand l-am nascut pe cel mic am cautat sa fiu si mai inventiva si sa folosesc la maxim resursele avute. Nu stiu cate dintre voi v-ati gandit ce puteti face mai bine sau cu ce aveti la indemana sa gasiti o solutie. Sunt sigura ca multe. Eu am devenit mai creativa si mai inventiva de cand a aparut cel mic in vietile noastre. Atat de creativa incat nu au existat lucruri pe care sa le fi cumparat inutil si sa nu le folosesc niciodata. Poate cu unele m-am grabit sa i le ofer, poate cu altele am reusit sa le iau la timpul potrivit. Oricum ar fi, am folosit toate resursele avute de cand s-a nascut cel mic si ma bucur ca am ajuns fix in acel moment al vietii mele in care nu mai raspund impulsiv si nu ma mai enervez. A, fix despre asta este noua varianta de workaholic. Daca la inceput faceam lucrurile pe graba sa ajung la cel mic, acum sunt constienta ca e pe maini bune si ca nu am de ce sa ma grabesc, sa zoresc anumite lucruri si ca numai cu rabdare putem sa ne impartim intre munca si datoria de mama. Pandemia m-a invatat sa imi limitez programul de lucru in orele de somn ale copilului si sa il pun pe el pe primul loc, caci este mai matinal ca orice coleg de munca. L-am invatat ca il pot implica partial in munca mea, dar ca nu are inca maturitatea necesara ca sa ma ajute intru totul. Si ii place sa faca treburi de adulti. Asta imi placea si mie sa fac cand eram mica. Si am amintirea plansetelor din biroul tatei si a calculatoarelor din biroul mamei. Imi doresc ca si copilul meu sa aiba astfel de amintiri placute. 

workaholic

Si m-am apucat sa scriu pe aceasta tema tocmai pentru ca am urmarit o mama care povestea de curand despre depresia ei post natala, despre problemele create de pierderea parului, despre greutatea de a reincepe munca dupa doi ani. Si da, eu nu am avut nicio problema sa ma reapuc de treaba. Mi-am dorit si am dat cat am putut de mult pentru fiecare proiect in care m-am implicat. Nu am comentat niciodata ca ajung tarziu acasa, dar am cautat sa imi eficientizez timpul. Si da, in munca mea toate lucrurile vorbite din timp se schimba. Asa ca acum traiesc fiecare zi cantarind folosirea resurselor pentru a duce cu energie potrivita la bun sfarsit proiectul, dar si fiecare zi cu copilul. Practic cu senzatia ca avem de facut atat de multe lucruri si ca totul trebuie cumpatat pentru a nu irosi energia de la inceputul drumului. Invat sa imbin in viata mea de workaholic tot ce inseamna multitasking si motherhood. Iubesc ce fac si multitasking-ul ma ajuta sa deslusesc mereu solutii pentru alei blocate. Motherhood este despre blandete, calm si intelegere. Si toate acestea incerc sa le includ in munca mea pentru ca ma definesc mai bine de cand sunt mama. Si e important ca in redefinirea noastra sa invatam ce avem mai bun de dat inapoi societatii prin noile atribute. Pasiunea trebuie sa o pastram mereu vie pentru ca nu ne retragem la pensie la 50 de ani si mai avem multi ani in care nu vom mai putea invata la fel de multe ca in tinerete, dar importante vor fi tocmai atributele umane cu care venim in munca noastra. Workaholic este atunci cand pasiunea iti ghideaza calea, iar ca mama devii si mai matura si echilibrata in orice intreprinzi.  

Workaholic - English version

This piece is a personal interpretation of my relationship with work and family. I know from the start that I will be judged, but I am taking my chances about my life aproach and I will describe also the benefits of my choice. I am a workaholic. I found a way to consume all that exceeding energy through work. Work may be something you do for someone else and which efforts are paid for, it may be a very personal project which may help you support yourself or it may simply be a volunteer act. These are options I have gladly embraced. As long as I do with passion and interest what I do, I believe it is not a burden, but pleasure. I have not always known where my persona would fit in this whole adventure, but I have slowly learned. I had to take a break to understand that I am important, to know that what I do may also be done by other people and then when restarting work to define my own individuality. I have taken only one break from work after many years when weekends, vacations or sleep hours have all been full of work. During that break I have decided to do something for myself and I have discovered the neighborhood I was living in, I have answered many personal questions, I have taught Romanian to a foreigner and I have learned to define and follow my own interest. And this is how I discovered who I am, that I like doing what I do and that I have made the right choice and suitable with my dreams.

And because I am doing exactly what I want, I have chosen to work till delivery date. I have never wished for something else. I have stopped driving to the office one month before delivery. Actually it was less than a month. It was a personal decision to act this way and it’s not necessary a recommendation for anyone else to do so. What I can say is that this has helped me greatly not to get scared, not to lose my trust in my own choices and to get rid of the anxiety to meet the little one. Actually in those last weeks I have organized the house to fill in my time and not to feel the lack of socializing with my colleagues, not to end up speaking alone in the house. Before giving birth I even forgot where I have put those well organized things. But it’s important that I have had something to do and I didn’t lose my mind.  

Then, few months after the little one was born, I have announced that I was actively coming back to work. I never really stopped working even after he was born. I have worked from home for 6 months. And that has helped me watch him how he is making faces and trying things. Coming back to work physically meant projects with many hours, with trips around the country or abroad and with the help of my parents I have managed all that. Then I realised the little one needs me a lot more and I have decided that, no matter how tough it would be on me, I must have him by my side at all times. That is when me and my husband decided to take shifts so, when the little one would wake up during the night, the one who didn’t have to be at work the next day would wake up and take care of the little one. My baby embraced my workaholic style. These days he is trying to copy my behaviour, so we try to organise our work to make it as “organic” as possible. This means that speaking on the phone is on a very normal and natural tone of voice and under as natural conditions as possible. How come? Well, the Apple Home Pod, which usually plays music, will speak to us or the watch will answer our call and we can still be with him while doing so. It’s true that it’s way easier when we are going out for a walk, as then his attention would be focused on something else. It is important for the little one to understand we also have activities he doesn’t need to copy just yet. And we try to define these rules together with him and with his power of understanding. The most important revelation when coming back to work is that multitasking is even more challenging. What I have realised after this come back? First of all, how valuable my mind is. Being a workaholic has not allowed me to go into depression after birth. I had my way clearly set and nothing has stopped me from doing what I like. My son will follow whatever path he chooses, but if I can help him open this universe of building stories, I will clearly do it.

The pandemics have made me go back to the stay home mom status and that has given me a bit of liberty I was missing. Somehow workaholic mom has been quite a lot even for me. I love multitasking, but without realising I had become addicted to speaking on the phone in my car while driving home and to be on a constant internet connection. The state of emergency has imposed working from home and the earning of 2 hours drive to and from office. This is how I understood how much stress the traffic adds on us and how important it is to live next to the office. But this is not possible for the moment so I will have to embrace work from home as much as possible. I have learned also that since days in a row there was no phone call, so the anxiety was easily lowered focusing on a personal project. I have learned that the time spent with the kid and without the tv can give me answers to many questions, but can also teach him a lot of things.

When you do something with passion and you wish to do this for more time, you certainly don’t end up stopping for two years. I am a mother with the same passion I do my work as a producer. I have carried on being a workaholic even after my son was born. I don’t expect everyone to understand how I do it or even if that is possible, but it is possible. That is because since I gave birth to the little one I tried to be as inventive as possible and to use to the maximum all the resources at my disposal. I don’t know how many of you have thought about what you can do better or use the things at hand to find a solution. I am pretty sure that there are a lot of you out there. I have become more creative and inventive since the little one appeared in our lives. I have become so creative that I didn’t end up buying apparently useless things that I didn’t use. Maybe with some things I was in a rush to get for him, maybe with some I managed to buy at the right time. Whatever the case, I have used all the resources since the little one was born and I am glad to be exactly in that moment of my life when I don’t answer impulsive and I don’t lose my temper that easily. Oh, it is precisely about this that the new workaholic is about. If at first I would do things on the rush to get home to the little one, now I am aware that he is on good hands and I have no reason to rush, to hurry certain things and that only with patience we can balance between work and mother duties. The pandemics has taught me to limit my work hours during the kid’s sleep hours and to put him on the first place, as he is the earliest morning person in my work. I have taught him that I can include him partially in my work, but that he doesn’t have yet the necessary maturity to help me completely. And he loves doing adult activities. This is what I used to love also in my childhood. I still remember the drawing boards in my dad’s office and the computers in my mom’s office. I wish my child would also have such pleasant memories about his childhood.

And I started writing about this matter precisely because I watched a mom telling her story about post natal depression, about the problems with losing her hair, about the difficulty to restart work after two years of staying home. And yes, I had no problem starting work. I have wished and I gave out as much as I could for each project I was involved in. I never made a fuss about going home late, but I tried to make the best of my time. And yes, in my work all things discussed in the beginning will change before we end up shooting. So now I live each day weighing the resources to take the project to a good ending with the right energy, but also spend each day with my son. Basically with the sensations that we have so many things to do and that all must be well pondered so no energy is wasted from the beginning. I am learning to combine my workaholic with multitasking and motherhood. I love what I do and multitasking is helping me figure out solutions to blocked alleys. Motherhood is about tender, calm and understanding. And all these I am trying to include in my work, as they define me better since being a mother. And it’s important that in our redefinition we learn what we have best to give back to society with the new attributes. The passion we must keep always alive in what we do as we are not retiring at 50 and we have many more years in which we will not learn as much as in our younger years, so the important human attributes will define our work. Workaholic is when passion is showing you the way and once a mother you become even more mature and balanced in all you do.

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